The Rough Drafts Writing Blog

A less talented writer would begin this article by informing you that dictionary.com defines apathy as the “absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement.”  I won’t do that.  I am above that, Dear Reader, and frankly … you are as well.  Nay, I shall begin by pointing to my own incredible apathy of late.  I’ve been so apathetic at times that I’m even apathetic about apathy, which is like dancing about architecture in many ways.

I know that many of you suffer from this horrific condition.  In 2008 alone, nearly 285 million Americans admitted to being bored by the fuckery of everyday life.  Boredom is one of the principal signs of apathy; the second being that you just don’t give a shit that you’re bored.

We’ll get onto the tips and beat this together.

5 Methods For Beating Apathy

You can do these in order.  You can skip around.  To be totally honest, I don’t care.

1.  Admit that you are powerless over apathy and that there’s really no point … to any of this.  That’s right, kids – wrap yourself up in the cozy blanky called Despair and settle in for the night.

2.  Make a deal with yourself.  It’s time to do something, anything.  It doesn’t even matter what it is.  This step is alternately called Settling or Bargaining.  This is responsible for 98% of Deal or No Deal’s ratings.

3.  Put on that thing that you recorded during Shark Week; that awesome one about the flying great whites of South Africa.  You’ve been meaning to get to it.  This is your chance.  Substitution is power.

4.  Take a bunch of pills.  Desperation might not kill you, but at least it’ll make those cartoons just that much funnier.

5.  I’ve honestly never gotten past step number four.  Well, there are two ways for you to look at this.  The first way is “oh shit, I’m fucked.”  The second way would be to actually figure out a way to beat it.  Please email me if you do.