The Rough Drafts Writing Blog

(Washington, DC) – Members of Congress spend a great deal of their time inundated by requests and pleas from lobbyists.  Lately, they’ve been just a little bit more harried as lobbyists for a secretive group that calls itself Citizens For The Protection of Pot Dealers (CFPPD) has made their presence felt in Washington.  What do they want, you ask?  They’d like a economic stimulus package aimed at getting people back to work … rolling joints.

Pot Dealers

It seems that the auto and retail industries aren’t the only ones affected by the deepening economic turmoil.  It’s also taken a toll on sales of illegal drugs.  Anecdotal evidence on this topic has been rumored for the past few months, but it has been difficult to confirm because of the illegal nature of the business.  Now, the CFPPD has stepped forward to confirm this and to ask for help.

They say that the nation’s marijuana trade may die off without dramatic assistance from the government.  The plan that they’re proposing would cost American taxpayers about $400 Billion in the short term.  Tentatively called Temporary Assistance to Needy Pot Dealers (TANPD), the bill would mandate that the Treasury send every pot dealer in America a check for approximately $89,000.  Advocates are also pushing for a provision that would force the Treasury make each check out to Pot Dealer X so that the bill doesn’t compromise the fifth amendment rights of pot dealers.  Banks would then be required to cash the checks without identification.  Banks in cities like Boulder, CO would have to stockpile billions in cash.  The CFPPD intends to act on behalf of the individual pot dealers in requesting checks from the government.

The plan is not without its detractors though.  Opponents of the bill worry that it won’t stop here.  Grover Norquist, of Americans For Tax Reform, worries that the bill would improperly shift the burden of people involved in a criminal enterprise onto the American people and set a dangerous precendent.  “What’s to keep the crack dealers and the heroin dealers from coming to us next with their hands out?  Nothing, that’s what.”  Another sticking point seems to be the lax enforcement.  Some in the Senate have pointed out that the role of CFPPD in this makes it possible that all of the money goes to one person.  Ted Kennedy was quoted as saying: “how, era, do we know that all of this money isn’t going to one guy that wants to buy a truck full of Bob Marley albums and Cheetos?”