So because I’m in an odd mood today, I’ve been thinking about running away to join The League of Assassins. The largest problem with this, of course, is that they’re not real. The League of Assassins are a group of comic book characters that have long fought against Batman and others. They’ve been led by Ra’s Al Ghul, Talia Al Ghul, and others.

I decided to lay out the Pros and Cons of LoA membership.

PROS

1. The money. I’d say that it probably pays fairly well. I don’t know that it’s ever been exactly stated that LoA members are well paid, but it’s a dangerous job with a fairly shallow applicant pool so you’d think.

2. Inter-organization conflict resolution methods. In the straight world, if you have a problem with a co-worker you have to sit down and talk it out - possibly with a third party. As a LoA member, you could just kill them.

3. Travel. You never know where you’re going to have to try to kill Batman next. He could be in Gotham, Nanda Parbat, space, whatever. You’re going to get to see the world.

4. Mobility. You won’t have to try to kill Batman at your desk. There will be no counting the bumps on the stucco ceiling above your desk. You’ll get to go outside and blow the stink off yourself.

5. Organizational propaganda. Every job has it. The posters and flyers, motivational and informational. The LoA doesn’t have really shitty ones like the poster of the cat that says ‘Hang In There’ under it.

They have cool shit on the walls. Like this:

and this:

6. Insanely low expectations. Largely speaking, you only have one goal: kill Batman. It’s safe to say that you can fail to do that for decades and keep your job. It’s like being a state employee, but you get to have a sword.

Cons

1. Batman. You have to get your ass beat by Batman constantly. You’d think that would suck. Would it suck as much as not being able to kill people that irritate you? You be the judge.

2. Dental. From what I understand, the LoA doesn’t offer dental. I don’t think that’s really fair. It would be bad enough to have a regular job that didn’t offer dental, but to have a job where you’re constantly punched in the mouth by Batman … you kind of need dental.

3. Vision. Perhaps if the LoA offered vision benefits their assassins would actually be able to assassinate someone. Big Picture People! Come on - Look at it!

4. The law. Membership in the LoA kind of automatically makes you an outlaw. This does technically cut both ways. Positively, it’s got to be easier to get laid when you’re a known criminal (just ask OJ Simpson). Negatively, you could end up getting laid in jail (see above). This goes into the con list because I really don’t want to get raped. I’m quite pretty so this is a concern.

I don’t know kids. That’s what I’ve got so far. It looks at this point like joining the League would be more positive than negative. I’m interested to hear your thoughts. I’m sure that I forgot something.