The Rough Drafts Writing Blog

In keeping with the quest to bring you a new and better Oscar, I joined a gym on Sunday. Tonight, I went in for my second workout and learned some things.

First of all, I am now Public Enemy #1 as far as my body is concerned. There’s a revolt going on amongst all of my different muscle groups. Yes as it turns out, I have muscle groups. Thanks gym!

The abdominal muscles are the main agitators. They’ve been making placards with markers and poster board. They say ridiculous things on them like “Stop Workplace Abuse NOW!” and various other slogans. They’ve begun urging some of the other muscle groups to chant absurd slogans. My hamstrings have been screaming some nonsense about “the ruling class controlling the means of production”. My biceps have tattooed pictures of Che on themselves. The real irony here Biceps, is that I remember when you fell asleep during The Motorcycle Diaries. Fucking poseurs.

So I’m thinking of hiring the Hell’s Angels to run security. It worked for the Stones right? I’ve got to do something to get all of these rabble-rousers under control. I don’t want to wake up one day forty years from now and catch myself saying something like “Mr. Abdomen, tear down this wall.”