The Rough Drafts Writing Blog

If there’s one thing that always amuses me about internet stat tracking, it’s the search terms that people use to find whatever it is that you’re doing. The real beauty of it is that the words don’t even have to be connected in most search engines to return your work as a result unless you surround it with quotes. For example: searching for the phrase “Michael Jackson penis pictures” without quotes will return articles about all sorts of things including but not limited to men named Michael, Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson’s penis, penises in general, etc. You must search with quotes if you are actually trying to find pictures of Michael Jackson’s penis [you WEIRDO]. I mention this by way of explanation: I don’t want you to think you missed my post about clown cock.

Search Terms Thus Far:

1. “Techniques of writing blog” – Well, first off, if you’re consulting my blog for techniques on writing a blog … barking … trees … you get the point. This is a writing blog, so I guess that I get this one.
2. “Pies in his face” – Ummm … Internet … you scare me. This refers of course to “Pie and Mortal Kombat” … so I guess that’s all good.
3. “Tom and Magdalena” – Coincidentally, I wrote a story called “Tom Finds and Loses His Way” in which two of the characters are named Tom and Magdalena. It’s kind of amusing to think about what this poor person was searching for though when they stumbled onto a story about responsibility and abortion. Were they looking for a wedding registry/announcement? Perhaps the same but for a baby? God only knows, and I blame Him.
4. “Mitt Romney” – Robots use computers now? I assume that they’re the only ones interested in him. In any event, that points to “The All-Important Fred Endorsement”. I get that. It makes sense (outside of who they were searching for … but I digress).
5. “Im just a clown” – I’m sure that they meant “I’m” rather than “Im”; I’d hate to think that people are sitting around trying to find ways to become IM Buddies with clowns. This again is for “Pie and Mortal Kombat”. The real question here though, I think, is: What? Who’s sitting around insulting themselves via search engine? I’m just a clown? Do you have ED? Premature balding? Halitosis? Come on, keep it coming Emonet.
6. “Held down and came in pants” – I really wish that I was making this one up. I’m not.  The internet is full of sick, sick people.  What the hell would make you search for that?  I’m guessing that it relates to really twisted porn.  I have no idea what story this pervert stumbled upon.  I probably could find out by searching for that … but I don’t want to wind up on a FBI watch list; I’m not givin’ no stinkin’ DNA sample and that’s final.

In closing, the internet is a weird, weird place full of strange, strange people … and they fascinate me.  I’ll likely report back on things like this from time to time.